Turning point at mid-30s?

Some things have started to change.

And some of these changes seem to be reflected in my thinking and mentality at this point. The same things that I thought I would never change my attitude towards, and things which I strongly disagreed with my parents' or elders' sentiments when I was much younger, well, I seem to be moving towards their directions now.

1. Used to be very sentimental or nostalgic about gifts, souvenirs, etc that I bought for myself from some special places, or which people give as presents. I would keep them for a long, long time even when I am not using them or just keeping them because I don't bear to use them. So, my storage gets bigger and bigger. But now, I have told myself that things which can be used, just used them, no point keeping. Things that I don't use, then do something about them. I feel particularly happy now to get rid of things (I wish I can say the same for nasty people too).

For example, when I got soft toys as gifts in the past, I would keep them aside and my parents would use a plastic sheet to wrap them up and place them on shelf so that they don't get dirty. The soft toys ended up as just display items - left on the shelf kind. But now, I will just throw them onto my bed and hug them as and when I like. When they get dirty, well, so be it. Isn't that the purpose of soft toys? To be carried, hugged, etc....

Similarly, when we got towels as gifts, we kept them in the wardrobe because they are too nice to be used. We started storing until the wardrobe became full and one fine day, we realise these towels have got yellow spots and cannot be used. Why? Can't we just use them in the first place? Keep for what?

2. When I was much younger, I used to get very irritated when people started to criticise this and that. I wonder why are people so negative and full of complaints. I don't understand why they need to criticise about every single policies, every little actions by people, etc.
(For the record, I still feel like that now, just that certain things have changed. I just stand people who keep complaining and complaining about the same thing and everything.)

For example, in the past, when government announced transport fares increase, I would (and still) hear parents, together with the elders in the family/friends, complaining whenever they meet. I don't understand why can't they stop being overly critical for once and why can't they talk about some other nice things and why do they always harp on such things. Now, when the news about price increase, I myself will be irritated (not so much on the increase, but sick of hearing the same old 'reasons' to justify price increases), though I won't join in their usual grumbling sessions because I think their criticisms tend to go overboard sometimes.

The frustration I have now is that people (be it government or some senior management people in an organisation) will have thousands of reasons ready to justify their actions which may not be right or wrong. They just have to find the right justication(s) for the right scenario. For example, organisations may tell staff that there is going to be a salary reduction.Their reasons may be that they need to save costs so that they need not retrench. But when they decide to retrench, there is another set of reasons, which I don't know what those reasons could be.

So, you win when you can use your wonderful reasons to bulldoze your way through. Just like marketing strategies.

3. The lost enthusiasm. In the past, I will eagerly send Christmas/New Year cards, e-cards or even SMSes on the festive seasons to relatives and friends. But now, I realise I have lost that enthusiasm. While I was eager to stay to countdown to New Years, I no longer care now. So what if I slept earlier, even before the clock struck 0:00?? What difference would that make if I had stayed up? Would I get luckier, richer, prettier, healthier the next day, or the next year?

I am now even sick of local programmes (when I used to think why people are so critical and not supportive of our local programmes). I used to tell myself that I will watch those countdown shows to get in the mood but since a year or two ago, I have stopped watching them. That was a big surprise even to myself during the first year when I skipped. I actually did it, without feeling anything!

Those charity shows which I used to follow closely - I have also skipped a few rounds. I don't like the way they use their 'specialty acts' to rouse emotions for people to donate. They seriously overdo it and some even look very plastic that it irked me. I stopped watching and donating.

4. This is one thing I never thought I would feel today - I am a little sick and tired of my society, my country.

5. This one has not been proven but I may be on the way to losing lots of compassion in time to come. Don't try to use the 'I am a pauper and I have loads of kids waiting for milk at home' kind of tactics to get my empathy. I have lost them. I have been 'trained' by point 3 para 3, to the extend that the more you paint a pathetic situation, the more I get irked and irritated.

These are just some of the changes I found in myself (and for that matter, others too). Though they seem to be just minor issues in our life that change, but they are big changes I see in myself.

There could be many reasons for such changes. Perhaps, like people always say, age is catching up. Or it could be because you have faced certain situations repeatedly until you feel sick and tired, or numb. Or you have seen too many bad things that you have lost your faith in some of them. Or it could just simply be a life cycle, in general.

I do not know what's my reason(s). I just know that I am getting more and more negative.

24 Jan 2009 (11.35am)