Tough moments

(For those who really don't like to read my rattling about Xiaohei, please bear with me. I will post quite a bit here for the next couple of weeks at least, amongst other things, since I can only bear my sorrows and pain here. And if you do see me, don't talk to me about her yet, cos I am really upset and can't talk about her at the moment. Thanks for the understanding.)

I mentioned in one of my previous posts that this is the worse Deccember I have encountered. Jinx! What more can I say with the apex being the loss of Xiaohei. The year end is totally destroyed.

Think she is really gone. But I just wanna know where she is. Make sure she is ok. I miss her and worry about her a lot. There is no closure. Thinking about her makes me wanna cry but I can't express this to the two men at home. I can only manage things myself because I will probably only receive 'needles' from them. I am feeling terrible enough, don't need them to add more to the pain if they have nothing nicer to say. I can do it alone. I admire those who can take it so easily. I wish I can too because emotion burdens are very tough to handle. But that's the way I am. In my next life, I hope I can be a little cold-hearted.

Anyway, I am not going to let things end here. I had written to the town council to ask them what action have they taken against the cat, if they are really the ones behind it (in order to appease complainants). Had actually wanted to just go down to ask (since TC is just downstairs) but I am sure I will just break down in front of them. They had better reply to me within the 7 working days, as stated in the return email. And if they had brought it somewhere, they had better tell me where!

I wonder if I complain about people urinating in the lifts and stairways, will they boot out the culprit as well! And if I complain about my neighbour's dog barking, will they boot the dog out? Complainants always win, don't they?

The people who hate get their way, the people who love have to suffer in silence. Just because the cattie doesn't have an owner. WHAT THE HECK!!!

I am feeling so bad also because I am unable to protect her; because I never speak up for her (though dad did, to the TC people who came); because we 'chased' her out of our house when she entered; because I was unable to train her to poo and pee in the litter successfuly; because I was unable to make her go down to the void deck, where she had always been. Did I cause her harm indirectly? I really hope I wasn't her jinx, from the day she stepped upstairs. If I was, I am so damn sorry.

The silly gal - wherever you are, I am thinking of you and love you. Hope you are being well-taken care of and have other friends to play with. Don't fight! When I know where you are, I will visit you. :)

The state of dad's slippers outside our house. This is Xiaohei's claw scratching tool. She loves this pair of slippers. In the mornings, dad has to 'fight' with her for the slippers. Hahaha...

21 Dec 2008 (9.27am)