Commenting on Sumiko's column - Fear of the unknown

I have just re-produced Sumiko article "Fear of the unknown" in my earlier post.


I read with amazement that two paras she mentioned had accurately reflected my thoughts:

I'm afraid of being happy because experience has shown that whenever I get carried away, something bad will happen, so better not risk it.

To folks like me, happiness is cyclical. We've discovered that unhappiness invariably follows happiness, so it's best to keep your head down, stay under the radar and control your emotions.

This is something I have been feeling since many many years ago, but it is very difficult to 'explain' to people. Sumiko hit the nail right in.

As shared in her article, her feeling that way had something to do with her one experience some time back. For me, it was another story which seem to happen many times in my life but the 'phobia' stayed on.

In the past, I noticed that whenever I was very happy, reaching home and sharing it or having the happiness reflected in my mood, and rah-rah-ing with dad; having happy talks with dad on some common things, etc - the next day, dad will be feeling unwell and on some occasions, i have to take leave to bring him to the doc or sometimes admitted to hospital for whatever reasons.

It had happen too many times, according to my standard and the fear of feeling happy is carried forward till today. Whenever there are happy things, I would play it down, or try not to reflect it too obviously, as Sumiko has shared.

It is obviously not right but it can't be helped and the thought is that - if such happy feeling is later going to be traded off by something bad that will happen to my family, then perhaps it is better off to maintain a neutral feeling.