Avoid these taboo topics this CNY and every CNYs

The Chinese New Year is round the corner and there are people who are eagerly waiting to receive it with open arms, and of course, there are people who are likely to be stressed, and dreadful.

CNY visiting, to some, is an annual catch-up with relatives whom you otherwise won't meet on a regularly basis. But such meeting or catching up is causing some strain, uneasiness to many, because of the repeatedly same questions that are being thrown up, and they having to answer year after year.

To have an enjoyable gathering, it is best such taboo subjects not to be brought up. There are things now that are not like the past. Try to understand that there is no one model for everybody, and many times, some situations are really beyond anyone's control.

You may be blessed with an ideal life, but remember there are people who are struggling with whatever lemons their lives throw them. So count your blessing, catch your tongue and dont let it rattle off irreparable damage to other people. To you, it may be just saliva you are losing but your insensitivity may cause others to lose sleep and sanity.

So, hope this serves as a reminder and a point for reference.

The BIG TABOO subjects best to avoid:

1. Marriage

"When are you going to get hitched?", "When are you getting married?", "Don't wait for too long.", etc. etc. etc. Yes, yes, yes. We are all too familiar with such statements and the likes.

But, while you are concern (or nosy), please note that people get or don't get hitched/married out of choice or out of no choice. If it is out of choice, then you are just wasting your breath. If it is out of no choice (because of whatever reasons), then you are not going to help either.

What answer(s) are you expecting when you ask? How do you want the 'victims' to answer? "I dont need a man/woman to survive.", or "I am happy as it is, does it bother you?". That's right. Does it really bother you?

2. Remarriage

Same as Marriage.

3. #1

If one successfully 'graduates' from the above, he or she needs to get through the second hurdle. "When are you going to have a baby?", "Quickly have a baby.", "It's about time you have a child.", etc, etc, etc

Again, whether people want a baby or not, is a choice or out of no choice. How do you know people don't want one, or have not tried for one? They may have tried harder than you think and your insensitive question (or nosiness) is just rubbing more salt to their wounds.

And again, what kind of answers are you expecting?
"I have also been waiting for as long as you started asking this, what do you think I can do?", or "I dont like children, are you nuts?", or "I miscarried twice in the past one year, do I have to go further?", or "Well, Dr says I am barren"

4. #2

Same situation as #1.

Once again, as you get by #1, the #2 question starts. "This is a good time to have #2.", "Quick go for #2 so that #1 has a playmate and wont be lonely", "One is not enough", etc, etc, etc.

There are probably tonnes of reasons why people don't want or don't have #2, just as why they don't want or don't have #1! Well, some people just want one! Is there a problem? Do mummies and daddies have to justify? There is again the 'by choice' or 'out of no choice' situation.

And in a more unfortunate scenario, people may not be able to have #2 due to reasons relating to financial, health, resource, and so on. If these are the reasons, parents may already be feeling the emotional impact of not being able to have a #2 for #1. You don't have to rub it in.

5. #3

This is may the final hurdle one have to go through if the first two are either all boys or all girls.
"Why don't you try for a girl/boy?" Jesus Christ, is it even your business? Do you want to fund for #3?

I believe these are the convenient things to strike up conversations, especially with family members/relatives you only see once a year. Unless you are a close friend or a member of the 'victim' who chooses to share such personal information with you, your two-cents worth over an hour or two conversation once a year will not only be useless, it may trigger an unnecessary unhappiness and rake up people's sorrow.

Though I had been pretty neutral about such conversations in the past, I am getting more and more irritated nowadays with random comments from random people I meet! I am now the target of the '#2' situation. Seriously, I have come a long way in accepting the fact that there is only #1, after going through tremendous anger, major disappointment, hard tears ALL ALONE! Just when I have accepted the reality of only #1, #1 started asking the "Can I have a didi/meimei" kind of question. So I have to tackle this while the guilt and pain is triggered again.

And that's not all. The cruelest situation I have to handle lately is....the random insensitive people are now directly targeting at #1 and asking "Do you want a didi/meimei?", and "Ask mummy to give you a didi/meimei lah."

Come on, you can probably target a kid to persuade the parents to buy a toy, but not to give a didi/meimei! To me, this downright cruel, downright insensitive and downright despicable!

So, please be sensitive and watch your words this CNY and avoid causing people's CNY to be a Crappy New Year. This is really not funny.

18 Jan 2017